Things I Wish I Knew 4 Months Ago: The Cupcake Chronicles (Part 1)

Who ever said relationships were easy is a gosh darn mother loving liar! You bring two people together, that have COMPLETELY different ways of thinking, with different habits, and from different walks of life. We take this clusterfuck of wonderful personalities and mash that with unstable emotions. Kicking off with the LOL -> lust -> passion (whatever you wanna call it. IT ALL STARTS WITH THE PHYSICAL). This now turns to desire, and then love. That turns to fear, which morphs to jealousy, spawned out of insecurities. Now we whirl that big cupcake batter up, and BOOM this master creation that is like “NO LOVE THAT HAS EVER EXISTED.” It turns into some magical, wonderful, “everlasting,” fruitful, RELAAAAATIONSHIIPPP?!?!? Well I have news for you that sh*t does not happen. It turns into WORK. HARD WORK, that’s what relationships are.

Ok let me get off this high for a second. Lets bring it back a few steps to where we all can relate. Relationships are HARD WORK because they have consistent problems, which TWO different people have to figure out how to work out TOGETHER.

Most problems in relationships happen simply because people fail to communicate with their partner. Please keep in mind that if you never tell someone that something is not working for you, they might never know. Now does this mean that you have to point out every flaw in your partner or what they don’t do right? NO!!! While in a relationship, you should be able to pick up on signs of things you do that your partner may not be too comfortable with. Ladies, this applies to us the most. Men aren’t good with communication. When we (females) have a problem with things, we say it. Then we go on and on and on about that problem and everything around it, until we feel better. When men have a problem with things they go into their “man caves” until they feel better about it or think the problem has solved itself. Men only want to “talk about” things if they are seeking advise on an issue. Other than that, talking really isn’t their strong point unlike women. Men, you guys need to learn to be better communicators with women. Ladies, you need to learn to respect his space when he doesn’t want to talk. When he doesn’t want to talk, it doesn’t mean he cares any less, he just can’t wrap his mind around why you need to talk.

When people say you should enjoy the moment you are in, the same rules apply to relationships. Second most common source of problems in relationships, believe it or not, are the things that may never even happen or are yet to happen. Sounds crazy doesn’t it. Unlike men that look at the solid facts, concrete evidence to things, and what they can see (the now), women live in their minds, the thoughts, the maybes, the what ifs (the to come). There is a reason why they say men fall in love through their eyes. Women fall in love through their ears.

Men, you need to understand that when women look at “the to comes” in a positive light, it’s not necessarily because they are expecting “the to come” to happen that very moment or even in the near future. They are basically just exploring what is in their mind. Women aren’t sharing this information with you because they need you to do anything about it, they are just sharing their thoughts. Why? Because they communicate!!

If your girl is talking about marriage it is not necessarily because she wants you to propose. To add, just because she brings up her problems at work does not mean she wants you to help her fix it. It simply means she just needs you there to listen to it all. It isn’t that women want to apply any added pressure, they just like expressing all the wonderful bubbly thoughts that come across their mind with the person they care about most.

Women, you need to understand that when men look at “the now” it is because they operate on a singular level. Some cannot wrap their mind around “the to come.” They look at what is presented before them and deal with that one task at a time. Therefore, when they cannot figure out that problem, they move on to the next task until they are able to go back to it. He had a hard day at work, and instead of coming home to TALK ABOUT IT as you would, he starts playing FIFA. He wants to be left alone with the task at hand (FIFA) until he either thinks the situation has solved itself or he is “over it.” This is not the time to bother him with your unsolicited advice. He does not want it! Remember, men only want to “talk about” things when they need advice and if he is not talking he does not want advice. Men, (SMH) they are not very complex beings.

Now, how do you find balance in all this? Compromise! Meaning, HARD WORK. Only by learning to balance the contradictions of life can we stay afloat.

Part 2: “Two Minutes And I Busted A Nut”